Important information about Morocco

No. 1.

Let’s face it, the UK is probably sinking and you’ll never want to return to our soggy summers after you discover that whatever climate you desire, you can find it in Morocco. It’s one of the only countries in the world where you can wake up on a deserted beach, have lunch in a ski resort and be deep in the desert by nightfall.  Admittedly, requiring 12 hours of daredevil driving with a picnic and portaloo on board.

No. 2.

With sugar lumps the size of a smartphone, the dental treatment you’re going to need will require you to sell both the camels you unwittingly acquired after bartering in your best Arabic for a Djellaba that you thought was exactly what your wardrobe was missing. All because you’re now addicted to hot, sweet mint tea served in delicate glasses and poured with great ceremony. The higher the distance between silver teapot and glass, as the amber nectar is poured, the bigger the welcome intended and if you catch them dropping saffron into the pot it’s because your wife’s not smiling. After all, this is the Moroccan’s alternative to Viagra.

No. 3.

You won’t fit into anything in your suitcase at the end of a week of waking up to the smell of freshly baked bread and delicately spiced tagine slowly cooked over hot coals. You can’t move a toe in Morocco without being expected to eat something, always fresh, always homemade and always accompanied by couscous. I seem to be of the minority opinion that there is only so much couscous one woman can eat.

No. 4.

You will get lost. Then you’ll get lost again and finally after you have got the better of the ancient cobbled alleyways filled with trotting donkeys and smiling children – you’ll get lost. Nothing short of a hand-held sat nav (which many Marrakeshi riads do provide) is going to rescue you.

No. 5.

You’ll discover that there is no such thing as colours that clash or too much pattern. That’s a crazy British décor idea – Anywhere other than Morocco will look grey and drab and horribly depressing, for ever more.

No. 6.

There are whacking great mountain ranges everywhere you look and if you don’t appreciate jaw-dropping views, you’re just going to be annoyed that your breath has been yet again snatched away by the spectacular beauty of the peaks and canyons stretching across the Kingdom.

No. 7.

Camels compete only with angry porcupines for “The most ridiculously uncomfortable animal to ride award” unless of course you were born on one, which many Moroccans are. You’ll have to question if it was worth it for the hour or so of family bonding, sheer fun and hilarity not to mention the evocatively romantic photos as the sun sets over the dunes.

But perhaps the biggest problem you’re going to encounter is that your plans for next year’s holiday will be completely scuppered by the unavoidable desire to go back and see more and more and more –  because one visit to Morocco is never enough!